Wednesday, June 18, 2008

June 18, 2008

Dear Baby,

You are on my mind today since this is the day that you were due to come into the world. I will never know what day would have actually been your birthday, but June 18 is a date that will forever be seared into my heart and mind.

Is it okay to tell you how much I miss you? How sad I am that I won't hold you or hear you laugh or coo this side of heaven? That some days I am incredibly jealous that you didn't have to face the pain and heartache of this world but instead went straight to the arms of Jesus? Oh how I wish I could see you in His arms. I know I am biased but it must be the most beautiful sight.

I wonder what it will be like to meet you in heaven. What will you be like? Will you be like an infant or is there an "age" that our souls become when we arrive in heaven? So many, many questions that I have learned to live with. Some days I want all the questions to go away, but other days I embrace them as they are one of the few links I still have to you. I still touch my belly and wish you were there. The lilies in our front yard are starting to get buds on them, which is comforting since there is one planted there in memory of you. When they open in a few weeks, they'll paint the front porch with the sweetest scent and I will think of you fondly. You were such a sweet blessing in my life.

I've been listening to the song "Better is One Day" a lot lately. I usually think of myself and my own life when I hear the song, but today it made me think of you. You didn't have a thousand days elsewhere, but instead have already started your eternity with Jesus. Your days with Christ are so much better than the total days I will spend here on planet earth. Oh how I ache to have you here on earth with me, but I am also happy for the glorious existence you are in. I bet if I could see heaven and know how amazingly perfect and fulfilling it is, there's no where else I'd want you to be.

I hope that you'll have siblings, but I also hope that I'll get to share the rest of my lifetime with them on earth before we all meet in heaven someday. What a family reunion that will be. I can't wait to know you. I love you and am so thankful for the months that I got to be your mom, even if it was way too short.

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living,
my baby you'll be.

All My Love,

1 comment:

Faith said...

Laura, this is such a precious tribute to your little one. My heart just breaks for you and the pain and hurt you are feeling. I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I know all too well what longing for a baby is like.
I pray that the Lord would surround you with His love and perfect peace, and comfort your heart as only He can.
Praying for you!! Love, Faith